Something I Wrote

Blood trickled down her right cheek. She cursed as another spark flew by. Each spark held tiny framents of metal. She knew that very well. She clutched her left shoulder. She looked around the bark of the oak her back was pressed against. Sparks were flying around the camp. Tents had caught on fire and the metal was peircing skin. She heard the shattering sound of cracking and popping metal and rock. She heard the shreiks of small children and she watched them try to pull their parents off their backs. The parents had sheilded their own children with their bodies. She dug her nails into her skin as she watched. Another spark flew towards her. In that split second of watching the moment fly by, she hadn't been paying any attention to the spark hurtaling through the air. She ducked her arms folding over her head. A sickening choking sound came from behind her. Sweat beaded down her chin. She turned to see the body collapse. A small boy came not far behind and shrieked and tears poured down his cheeks seeing his older brother bleeding out life. She pressed to the bark. Her eyes wide. She sat the for a moment before crawling to the boys. She pressed a hand on the boy's shoulder and tugged him backwards. Clutching him under her. He cried out and streached out his arm to his brother. The tears that rolled off the boy's cheeks plopped on her arm. The blood that had been flowing from her shoulder and down her arm swirled with the salty tears. The somewhat older boy, lay on the ground his eyes glazing over as blood poured from his stomach. The boy under her had his hand on the boy. Murmuring him to live. The older brother was still alive, but certainly not for long. She gripped the boy and yanked him back as another pop cracked the silence in her thoughts. Her heart thudded. She lay on her back now the boy squirming to get to his brother. She held him back from going any farther. A large shard of metal crashed into the tree beside them. The one that was close by a moment ago. She held her breath as she watched it slice through the bark and wood. Splinters filled the air. They caught on fire as little embers. As pulled the boy to his feet and stood up. She looked at the corpse still laying on the ground. She gripped the arm of the dead body and dragged it along. The little boy held her hand and ran. The other hand on his brother's other arm. IT was a danger zone back there. It seemed too planned out. It seemed so unreal that something that large was near by on accident. It seemed unreal that with heat it would explode and keep popping shard everywhere. She didn't care now. All she had to do was run. Run until her legs collapse and she lost her life.

wow. emo.......... jkjk

That's really nicely written. ^^ I hope you don't mind if I give you some advice though. XD If you connect some of the sentences, it'll flow a lot better. =P The story's well thought out and very nicely done, it's just a bit choppy to read. Thank God for commas. XD

I also recommend dividing it into paragraphs. If someone sees it chunked together like that, they'll hesitate to read it because they see how long and smooshed it is. Its also about presentation.

Ah yes-- The almighty paragraph. XD

haha X3